


this is my destiny (don't smile on me)

by towokuwusatsuwu



Series: Pride 2018: 30 Days of S.W.O.R.D. [10]
Category: HiGH&LOW: the Story of S.W.O.R.D. (TV)
Genre: Bisexual Male Character, Coming Out, Established Relationship, Love Confessions, Multi, Nonbinary Character, Other, Secrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-10
Updated: 2018-06-10
Packaged: 2019-05-20 17:40:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14899043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/towokuwusatsuwu/pseuds/towokuwusatsuwu
Summary: Dan takes a deep breath, sips his beer and tries to steady himself. It’s hard with both of them still touching him, looking at him like they want to do anything they can to help him. “I’ve just been thinking recently that… Well, for a long time, actually. Only recently was I able to admit it to myself, but I’ve been thinking about it, having the thoughts, for a long time now.”Tetsu nods, rubs the back of his hand and Dan wants to snatch it away because the small motion closes his throat. “That’s understandable. Some things are hard to work through. Did you bring us here to tell us what you finally figured out about yourself?”“I did, yeah. Wanted to tell someone but I didn’t want to tell all of Sannoh at once. That seemed hard when I thought about it.” Hard, more like overwhelming, the stuff of nightmares, trying to open up to everyone at once. The thought stopped his breathing more often than not.“Well, we’re here to listen to whatever you want to say.” Chiharu smiles at him, and Dan wonders if they had any idea what they were getting into when they joined Oya High so long ago. “You can trust us not to react negatively, I think.”





	this is my destiny (don't smile on me)

When it came to something like this, starting small seems like the optimum choice, and starting with people you trust even better. Dan is still nervous as he sits in the booth at Itokan, a location he should have never felt nervous in ideal circumstances. Tetsu and Chiharu are already on the other side of it and he wants to apologize for making them wait, because he left home later than he intended to, the nerves twisting in his gut until it choked him and he lost track of time. Maybe he should be more on top of things like this, especially when he asked them to meet him here.

There is no reason to be nervous. He knows this. The two of them are not going to turn him out for this, or insist to Cobra that he should be booted from Sannoh and sent somewhere else. No one in Sannoh would care that much, for that matter, other than to acknowledge Dan is still one of them, and nothing will change that. Just the same, Dan is afraid to say it out loud. Has been afraid since his confrontation with Koo forced him to confront some uncomfortable thoughts.

He toyed with the idea of sending Koo some kind of thank you gift for forcing him to take a long, hard look at himself in the mirror and admit the truth after trying to stamp it down for so long. It might be hard to admit out loud, but Dan knows that in the long run, everything will be fine.

“Sorry for making you two wait,” he finally chokes out, and Chiharu eyes him, more perceptive than they have any right to be. “Lost track of time, my fault entirely.”

Tetsu shakes his head, stirring his drink with his straw. “Not a big deal, we’ve only been here for maybe ten minutes anyway and we weren’t doing anything at home.”

“You sounded kind of serious on the phone,” Chiharu adds.

Dan could make a joke about how he probably never sounds serious enough to elicit this response from anyone else, but the words die in his throat before they ever reach his tongue and he hunches his shoulders in on himself just a little. Why is this so difficult? Why is talking to people he knows will accept him some impossible obstacle?

Tetsu’s hand is light and gentle on top of his, familiar fingers pressed into his skin. “What is it, Dan-san? You know you can talk to us about anything, right? We’ll listen.”

“Yeah, I know. Just… Nerves.” Dan tries to laugh it off, orders himself a beer for a little touch of liquid courage and gulps down half of it the moment it’s placed in front of him.

Chiharu eyes the glass doubtfully. “Something must be very wrong? Are you okay?”

“Nothing’s wrong! Really!” Dan fights the urge to stutter, the nerves attempting to affect even his speech, but he needs to tell someone. Holding it inside will only make it that much worse on him, and he can only imagine suffering in silence for any more time. “It’s just, like… Everything that’s happened makes you look at yourself in the mirror, you know?”

“I was under the impression you already spent quite a lot of time looking in the mirror,” Chiharu murmurs, and Tetsu snickers, covers his mouth with the soft sleeve of his sweater.

The two of them together are impossible to ignore, the way they look at each other, Tetsu with such soft fondness and Chiharu with a deep warmth. When Chiharu had joined Sannoh, they and Tetsu needed time to get used to each other but before long, they were joined at the hip, one always right next to the other. When Chiharu risked their life to protect Cobra, Tetsu was frazzled for days. Dan remembers it all too well, Tetsu fidgeting with his sleeves, the contents of his pockets, anything he could get his hands on when his eyes strayed to Chiharu.

Dan even remembers the evening when Chiharu was busy, when Tetsu laid his head on Dan’s shoulder and cried out the anxiety and fear that gripped his heart and threatened to break him, horrible images playing out in his dreams every time he tried to sleep. Remembers the wetness of Tetsu’s tears leaving a spot on his shirt, Tetsu clinging to him so tightly that later on, there were bruises that Dan never cared to tell him about.

It would have made everything worse, and Dan has at least  _ some _ tact contrary to popular belief.

Chiharu must notice something on his face because they stretch out a hand as well, grasping him by the sleeve. “Dan-san, what is it? You look upset about something.”

Does he? He has no idea, probably should have spent more time training his face not to betray him during his conversation. The last thing he needs is to fall apart during this conversation, and it should be so simple but rarely are things so simple, even though he knows they would accept at least half of his confession and move on. The other half is what is so hard.

Dan takes a deep breath, sips his beer and tries to steady himself. It’s hard with both of them still touching him, looking at him like they want to do anything they can to help him. “I’ve just been thinking recently that… Well, for a long time, actually. Only recently was I able to admit it to myself, but I’ve been thinking about it, having the thoughts, for a long time now.”

Tetsu nods, rubs the back of his hand and Dan wants to snatch it away because the small motion closes his throat. “That’s understandable. Some things are hard to work through. Did you bring us here to tell us what you finally figured out about yourself?”

“I did, yeah. Wanted to tell someone but I didn’t want to tell all of Sannoh at once. That seemed hard when I thought about it.”  _ Hard, _ more like  _ overwhelming,  _ the stuff of  _ nightmares, _ trying to open up to everyone at once. The thought stopped his breathing more often than not.

“Well, we’re here to listen to whatever you want to say.” Chiharu smiles at him, and Dan wonders if they had any idea what they were getting into when they joined Oya High so long ago. “You can trust us not to react negatively, I think.”

Dan wants to laugh, because hasn’t he been trying to convince himself of this for the last few minutes actively sitting in front of them? “I know that on a mental level, it’s just. I guess I’m being stupid about being afraid to just out and out say what’s going on.”

“It’s all right.” Chiharu gives his sleeve a tug. “Just get it off your chest. We got you, y’know?”

Tetsu nods with a smile of his own and Dan thinks that the two of them are a devastating combination without knowing it, that they perfectly complement each other in more ways than one. They’re perfect for each other on a level that most people might not notice, but Dan has known Tetsu for years and he can see the way Chiharu fills all of those nooks and crannies, how Tetsu has changed and adapted for them in positive ways.

Maybe the second half of his confession is just a wasted effort and not worth bringing up.

“So like… I— I like guys.” Dan has to force the words out and the moment they leave his lips, his face grows hotter, his hand spasming under Tetsu’s fingers. “I kinda realized, I mean, like, maybe it’s just, I don’t know, I just… I still like women but not only women.”

Chiharu tilts their head. “So you’re bisexual? That’s great that you’ve figured it out!”

“Of course we’re honored that you’d tell us, and you know we accept you.” Tetsu squeezes his hand and Dan wants to swallow his tongue. “Would be kinda weird if we didn’t, you know? Since you took us both coming out with no problem. I’m really glad you were able to tell someone.”

Dan’s eyes sting in the corners and he swallows hard, his throat suddenly tight and his mouth dry, his tongue too large, almost like cotton showed between his lips. He wants to cry, truth be told, have a proper breakdown to let out all of the anxiety, the unfounded fear— not really unfounded, because Sannoh might accept him but it’s just Sannoh, not his parents, not the world— the pain of trying to figure this all out, certain he had to do it alone.

He also wants to cry because the two of them cannot know how much this means to him, or how he has to bite his tongue because the rest would ruin this. They would support him as an openly bisexual man— he should have always known they would— but they might not support him if they find out he might just be in love with both of them.

In his defense, that had been an accident, not something he went looking for, but his heart yearned for them just the same, to be part of the bond between them even though he knows he has no place there. He wants to tell them, because that had been part of his original plan, but seeing them together leaves him speechless and concerned that the damage he might do to their relationship with his words is greater than the relief he would feel at telling them.

Tetsu’s beautiful brown eyes narrow. “There’s something else you aren’t telling us, isn’t there?”

Dan chokes on a sob and both of them tense up, Chiharu’s mouth falling open. “There isn’t!”

He feels like an idiot for letting himself get overwhelmed like this over something so stupid, especially in a public place, where anyone else could walk in at any moment. More to the point, he feels like a fool when Tetsu and Chiharu lean over the table, reaching for him, trying to comfort him like he isn’t going to say something that might hurt them.

“There is.” Chiharu sighs and pulls on Dan’s sleeve until Dan’s arm weakens and hits the table. Chiharu pounces then, taking Dan’s hand in both of theirs, fingers rubbing soothing circles into his skin, something he must have picked up from Cobra as Dan recognizes the habit. “You can tell us anything, didn’t we just say? We’re here for you.”

“There’s nothing else to tell!” Dan insists, but his voice cracks in all the wrong places and neither of them look convinced. “It’s just… I’m emotional about finally getting it out.”

Tetsu presses his lips into a thin line. “I’m sure that you are, and I mean that, but you aren’t crying over that. You’re upset over something else. Tell us what it is, Dan-san, please.”

Dan wishes he had a better poker face for this, but Tetsu gives him puppy eyes and the determined set of Chiharu’s jaw tells him that these two aren’t going to let this go no matter what he says or does. Not this time. “There’s nothing to tell, I swear.”

“You should know you can tell us, though. I don’t understand.” Chiharu squeezes Dan’s hand, and it’s altogether too much and not enough. It makes his heart ache in new ways. “Is there something else? Something bad? You must think it’s bad, but you were worried about telling us you were bi, so I mean, comparably, it’s probably—”

“Babbling, Chiharu,” Tetsu murmurs.

Chiharu snaps their mouth shut, their cheeks reddening just a bit before they butt their forehead against Tetsu’s shoulder. “Sorry, sorry. I didn’t mean to.”

“I know you didn’t.” Tetsu rests his cheek against the top of Chiharu’s head for just a moment and Dan’s heart threatens to explode at the sight. “Dan-san, just tell us.”

Dan shakes his head, tries to pull his hands back from them but both of them tighten their grips the moment he tries, refusing to let him go. “There’s nothing, really!”

“If you don’t want to tell us, you don’t have to, but like… Don’t lie and say it’s nothing. Because it is, because something’s really upsetting you.” Tetsu’s voice is soft but firm, and his eyes never waver even though Dan shrinks beneath that gaze. “You don’t have to be afraid of us. Look, hold on, scoot over in your booth.”

Dan barely has enough time to process this before Tetsu sidles up next to him, pressed too close for comfort, and before Dan can move Tetsu’s arms wind around him, one arm around his shoulders and the other around his waist. His chin settles on Dan’s chin and the contact, full body and warm and so close, makes Dan weak, has him softening into the embrace, pressing his wet face against Tetsu’s shoulder. Chiharu’s hands are still wrapped tight around his own and he has no doubt that if it was possible, Chiharu would be on his other side.

Isn’t that what he wants, after all? But he can’t have that. He knows he can’t have that.

“I don’t know what it is you’re so scared to tell us, but you don’t have to. But don’t be afraid of us, okay?” Tetsu’s voice is soft in his ear, hands rubbing up and down his back. “Never be afraid of us. We’re never going to do anything to hurt you.”

Dan is older than both of them, and he knows this. He should be more mature about this, not crumple over the little things. Instead, he sniffles against Tetsu’s shoulder. “O-okay.”

He lets Tetsu pet his hair for a bit, and then he expects Tetsu to go back to his side of the booth, back to Chiharu. Instead, Tetsu leans back enough to look at him, thumbs a tear off of Dan’s cheek. “If you ever feel like you wanna tell us what’s up, you can. We’ll listen.”

Dan should bite his tongue and let it go, because even if they do not believe that there is nothing for him to tell, they’re going to let it go. Instead, his heart runs faster than his brain just this once and beats out what little common sense and logic he has. “I’m in love with you.”

Time grinds to a halt as soon as the words leave his mouth, his heart slamming against his ribs so hard he expects them to break from the impact. Tetsu’s hands are still on his shoulders and they spasm, his eyes widening as he slowly processes the words. Though his brain feels foggy and hazy, probably an attempt to shut down before anything else can happen, he feels the precise moment when Chiharu lets go of his hand, suddenly, like they’ve been burned.

Tetsu opens his mouth and closes it a few times, slowly retracting his hands. “Dan-san, I—”

“I know you don’t feel the same way, I know, I  _ know. _ ” Dan gulps in air, feeling like he’s drowning, wishing he was, because this moment would end faster that way. “I never deluded myself otherwise. I wasn’t going to tell you, even, it just came out. I’m sorry.”

“It’s… Wow.” Tetsu bites his lip. “I never would have guessed it was that.”

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I’m so sorry.” Dan swallows hard, forcing the sobs back down even though his vision keeps trying to blur worse on him. His cheeks feel hot and raw, swollen from crying, and he knows that touching them roughly will hurt, but he drags his sleeve over his face to dry the tears anyway. “I know you two can’t possibly feel the same, I—”

“You two,” Chiharu echoes softly.

Dan whimpers and he hates how pitiful and sad it sounds. “I know it’s bad, I know, I just… I don’t know what happened! Tetsu, I… I mean, you’ve always been my friend, but then you and Chiharu got together, and I just, and I know it’s bad, to like you two, and you have your relationship… I don’t want to mess with that! I don’t—”

“To like you two.” Chiharu makes a noise and Dan squeezes his eyes shut, because this is too much, far more than he can handle. “You’re saying you’re in love with  _ both _ of us. Not just Tetsu.”

“He’s upset. It probably just came out wrong,” Tetsu reasons.

Hearing Tetsu speak about him like he isn’t even here really does make Dan want to sink through the seat, deep into the earth where he doesn’t have to deal with this situation anymore. He debates just climbing over Tetsu, or better, over the booth and fleeing for the door. Maybe it isn’t too late to enter into the witness protection program where no one will ever know his name or face or the fact that this embarrassing night happened.

Chiharu’s fingers are on his hand a moment later and Dan doesn’t have the strength to shrink away from them. “Dan-san, please stop crying. It’s kind of hurting me to see you so upset.”

Tetsu’s hands touch his face and Dan opens his eyes, ready to protest, but Tetsu speaks before he can. “I agree with Chiharu. I’m not used to seeing you so sad and it’s breaking my heart. Being in love shouldn’t hurt you so much, not like this.”

“You’re both together.” Dan’s voice is hoarse, his throat sore. “I don’t want to mess it up.”

“You couldn’t if you wanted to. Chiharu and I are tight.” Tetsu uses his sleeve to blot a few tears away, and it’s much more comfortable than Dan’s own jacket sleeve. “Chi? Anything to add?”

Chiharu takes a deep breath in, exhales slowly, cocks their head to the side. “I dunno. How do you feel about this? It’s a lot to take in all at once.”

“It is,” Tetsu agrees, and Dan whines softly, his ears burning as he lowers his head. “We can spare the extra room, can’t we? The bed is big enough for three people.”

“Have to get more pillows,” Chiharu muses.

Dan’s head snaps up when his brain catches up to the conversation and he stutters, taking his hand back from Chiharu, pressing himself into the corner of the booth so hard it bites into his back through his jacket. “Wait, wait, no, don’t— Don’t, no, you don’t have to. You two, you’re p-perfect together, I’ll just—”

“Mess things up?” Chiharu finishes for him, and Dan’s lower lip wobbles at the words. “No, you won’t. You really won’t. Tetsu, you wanna tell him, or should I?”

Testu laughs and Dan’s heart throbs a little at the sound, so lighthearted and easy even though Dan himself is seriously considering climbing through the window to escape. “Dan-san, I’ve been burning a torch for you for  _ years, _ but you never even noticed me. I guess it rubbed off on Chiharu a little, because I talked about you to him before we started dating.”

“I gave you a grace period to see if anything would happen,” Chiharu says, and Dan feels so horribly confused right now. “When you didn’t seem to notice how Tetsu felt, I asked him out.”

Dan blinks, looks back and forth between the two of them. “I’m so lost.”

“Sweetheart, we both love you.” The pet name drips sweetly from Tetsu’s lips but Dan is only horrible startled that Tetsu would use such a name with him. “I have for the longest time, and Chiharu fell over time. If you love us, too, then there’s no reason to wait.”

Chiharu nods. “I agree with that sentiment. And not to be overly dramatic but it really is kind of hurting my heart to see you cry so much over something we can easily remedy. Especially when we both really want to? So just… Again, you can trust us with things like this.”

Tetsu frames Dan’s face with his hands, and his skin is so cool against Dan’s hot, fevered skin. “Exactly what they said. No more crying, no more hiding who you are. You’re a beautiful, proud bisexual man and you’re in love with us, and we’re in love with you, too.”

He leans in for a kiss and Dan just lets his eyes fall closed, exhausted by all of this and just desperate for something, even something small, that reassures him, that does something to heal the hairline cracks in his heart. Tetsu’s lips are warm and soft, and he tastes like chapstick, a little sticky and too sweet but good anyway, nice against Dan’s tear-wet lips. He should be better at kissing but Tetsu guides him, and Dan is happy to follow along.

“Me next,” Chiharu says confidently, and Tetsu pouts at them before sliding out of the booth, letting Chiharu take his place. “This is okay with you, right? You want this?”

Dan sniffles and nods, wiping another tear away. “I really am.”

Chiharu kisses a little clumsier but with more urgency— they may have been serious when they said it was breaking their heart to see Dan cry. It’s nice, a good change, and Dan leans into it, letting himself enjoy this just a little. Chiharu’s fingers slip through his hair to cup the back of his head, soothing the base of his scalp. When they lean back from the kiss, they swipe their tongue over their lips and Dan’s knees tremble in response.

“That was nice to watch,” Tetsu muses.

Chiharu turns to stick their tongue out at him. “It was good watching you two, honestly.”

“Dan-san… Or is it just Dan, now?” Tetsu leans over the table, running his fingers down the side of Dan’s face. “Come home with us tonight. We won’t do anything intimate, because tonight was a lot and we’d have to sit down and have a serious talk about that, and you’re just not in the condition for that. But you can sleep between us tonight, won’t that be nice?”

Dan blinks at him a handful of times before he can respond. “It’s… It’s okay?”

“We really want you,” Chiharu says, and something about the wording makes Dan’s face hot again. “I’m the big spoon, though, so like, you’re gonna have to play little spoon if you sleep in the middle. Not that I’d mind, but I just thought I’d mention it.”

Tetsu presses his lips together, tapping his chin with one finger. “That might be good, actually. He looks like that’s what he really needs right now.”

“Don’t just go deciding things. Hold on.” Dan tries to mop his face off with his sleeve again but Chiharu stops him. They dunk a handful of napkins in their abandoned glass of water and use the sopping mess to wipe the tears from Dan’s face. The cool moisture soothes his aching skin and Dan closes his eyes, leaning into it. “Thank you.”

Chiharu kisses him on the cheek. “Of course.”

Tetsu folds his hands neatly in front of him, though it’s impossible to ignore the way he shifts on the balls of his feet. “Do you wanna come home with us? We can discuss finer details in the morning but if you want to fall asleep between us, we’re up for that.”

Dan wets his lips and nods, a slow and jerky movement. “I— I’d really like that.”

Chiharu grins, all teeth, then leans in close and lowers their voice. “It’s kind of cute to see you so nervous. I didn’t know you’d be like that at all.”

“Don’t say that!” Dan smacks them on the shoulder but they don’t lose that incorrigible smile at all. “Okay, let’s… Let’s go. I really am exhausted from all of that.”

Their apartment turns out to be in walking distance, and Chiharu and Tetsu each take one of his hands, settling him firmly in the middle as they lead him. Dan smiles, and when one last tear slips down his cheek, it’s from joy instead of sadness.

It was a good thing for him to confess after all.


End file.
